Sometimes life feels like a breath – in and out. Being alone is wonderful. “Coming out of the closet” is wonderful. And so it goes, back and forth, just as the soul needs at that moment. 💛
My life changed completely at the beginning of 2020. I pushed myself to the edge, burned out, and fell apart. I lost not only my cognitive abilities, which had always kept me successful and creative, but also my capacity to work, my memory, and my courage. I was like a child, afraid of the world and unable to comprehend even simple sentences, let alone read or write texts.
That challenging year, someone incredible came into my life – my husband. ✨ And with him, very quickly, came our child. These years have been like a constant sway between anxiety and hope. Can I handle it? Am I enough? That question has been my companion almost every single day.
And then, this spring, something shifted. Suddenly, I noticed that something had ripened within me. 🍓 My soul took a breath. In and out. I felt ready. I picked up my pen again and finished writing Believe – four years after I had started it. 1.5 months later, it was done – the books arrived from the printing house to my doorstep on the summer solstice, just days before my birthday. Like water flowing through my fingers, it found its way into my life. And then, a new chapter began. 👇
Photo: Vivian Ainsalu
I decided to bring to life a character I had created in my teenage years – Tiigrinotsu 🐯🐷 – and establish my own publishing house. I knew nothing about publishing, I knew nothing about running a business. But why not? I dived headfirst into the unknown. For the first time in my life, I built a website from scratch, complete with an online store. Then, I started designing advertisements and posts myself – something I had never done before. Everything, from communicating with bookstores to creating marketing materials, felt like a completely new world.
Then, 1.5 months later, I decided – really? – to translate Believe into English myself. 💡 This opened me up even more. For the international market, I created a new English-language website with a .com domain.
Thus, I’ve been jumping 🤸♀️ from one role to another – writer, translator, illustrator, publisher, marketer, designer, IT technician, mother – all while trying to spend as much time as possible with our little one at home.
At times, I feel like it’s all too much, and I just can’t keep going. But then I open my book. Believe reminds me exactly what I need to hear in that moment. 🙏
In recent months, I’ve realized that I wrote Believe largely for myself. To learn to trust my journey and myself – because the solution is always there, right here, in every moment, even when we’re doing things that seem difficult at first! 💛
